Movie Review: POTC: DEAD MAN'S CHEST Author: Bill Ramey Friday, July 7, 2005, 12:00 PM TEXAS TIME U.S. Release Date: July 7, 2006 Distributor: Walt Disney Pictures Director: Gore Verbinski Writing Credits: Cast: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, et al. Genre: Comedy Adventure MPAA Rating: PG-13 OFFICIAL WEBSITE: POTC Official Site TRAILERS: www.apple.com/trailers OK, here’s the deal. I never saw the first PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN film. Yeah, yeah, I know everybody loved it and it made tons of cash. Nevertheless, I just didn’t have much interest in it -- I’m not much into Pirate flicks and the like. Didn’t even see it on pay per view or DVD. I’ve always watched a lot of movies, but since we’ve got ON-FILM.NET up and running, I’m seeing more and more films. I even go see flicks I’m not particularly interested in -- such as PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST. Plus my youngest son wanted to go see it, so, well, we went see early on Friday. Now, I wasn’t going to review this movie as I had Jenn Bobbitt scheduled to do the main one for ON-FILM (and it’ll be up this weekend). But I’ve got the time, so why not? So did I fall in line like everyone else and go ga-ga over PIRATES 2? Nope, sure didn’t. Of course, that could be partially my fault because I never saw the first one. So to be honest, I was sort of lost the entire 2 and a half hours the film played out. And that is one of the major gripes I had with the movie. Just because it is a sequel, does it have to be lost on those who have not seen the previous film? Anyway, It’s a total popcorn flick for sure. There are lot’s of pirate stuff, sword fights, and action. There’s a lot of physical comedy -- some of it ridiculous (like a sword fight on a big rolling wheel). You’ve got Keira Knightly looking good, even though her character is totally unbelievable. And for the ladies, there’s Orlando Bloom doing the swashbuckling hero thing, even though he doesn't come off very swashbuckling or heroic. Everything is fine and dandy, except that I didn’t care about any of these people! Didn’t particularly like or dislike anyone in the film, and that is one of my MAJOR requirements when it comes to a movie. Now there is something really good in the film: Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow. I think Depp is one of the best American actors out there today, and his work in DEAD MAN’S CHEST did not disappoint. Trust me, Depp’s performance is top notch. I totally dug it. I also enjoyed the whole Davy Jones thing. Great special effects and make-up with Jones and his crusty crew -- and I literally mean "crusty." The only problem I had was, again, I just didn’t get a big “hated villain” vibe here. Oh well. After sitting through this film for a long two and a half hours, it dawned on me exactly what POTC: DEAD MAN’S CHEST actually is: an extended teaser trailer for the third film. Some may love it for that, but in the end, I felt mostly un-entertained and, frankly, a bit cheated. What can I say? PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST didn't float my boat. Upon further review... So yesterday, I go and pick up the original PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and check it out. I got a lot of email telling me that I was wrong in my review of DEAD MAN’S CHEST (although I did get a lot of email saying I was spot on as well) and that I HAD to watch the first one. “Watch CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL and your opinion will change,” I was told by many a reader. As a result, I did what many of y’all asked and viewed the first one. I liked it a lot. Didn’t love it, but I thought it was a darn good flick. Johnny Depp? Better in COTBP than he was in the latest chapter of the series. And you know what? I STILL don’t particularly like this film. While I won’t change my grade, the problems I had were actually magnified after watching the original. There was no reason at all for CHEST to be so beholden to the original. While there definitely should be continuity between films in a series, a sequel should be able to stand on its own as well. The bottom line here is that CHEST is inferior to BLACK PEARL. Not as funny. Not as scary. And not as good. I think I may started a new technique in movie reviewing. Skip the first film, go see the sequel, and then go back and watch the original. What do you think? JETT’S GRADE: C Bill Ramey, aka "Jett," is the founder and editor-in-chief of BATMAN ON FILM and ON-FILM.NET.